qwesi.com

From his myspace blog:

“If u do not know me do not bother reading this.
Current mood:confused, uncertain, depressed

I have three choices at this point. One- I don’t want to gaze upon the world anymore, its corrupt, its ugly, its ignorant. We haven’t evolved, only adapted better technology. This saddens me to the point where I feel I don’t want to wake up to another day of it. Two- Seek revenge for not only my friends who have been taken from me but also for those who have been tortured and made to suffer to death. Evil exists out there and most of u have never really seen it. It is allowed to prosper because we make money off of it and as long as we continue to make money from it we allow it to live and simply prod it wif a stick occasionaly. Three- I have a person back here who would be greatly hurt if I chose one or two and this is the only reason I stay at choice three. Each day however I want to give in and let myself embrace one of the first two choices. Really not sure what to do anymore. I seriously need advice but there really is no one I feel I can access at this point. Its so hard to think clearly when u have images in ur head that wont go away and remind u why u feel this way. To most of u the news is just text, its real- but its not. Simply a movie. To me its as real as it gets. Sometimes I think I can feel what others are forced to endure and it reaches a point where i cant take it anymore. I feel sick to my stomach on a regular basis. I can hardly eat sometimes. Then the anger comes. Sometimes I punch my wall when I know my neighbores are not home in their apartment next door. To be honest a punching bag will not do it because I need the pain accompanied with the blow to remind me how much anger I have thrusted out with and also to remind me how real my situation is. I feel so gaddamned helpless. All I can do is google news article after news article and try to read past the bullshit as I peice them together and figure out what is stable information. I still feel trapped. I know this must sound like the biggest emo wad of shit to u all but I need to do this, I need to talk about what Im feeling or I am gonna lose it and do something final. I have one more week til I see the person in my life that keeps me stable and I wonder if I can make it. Every day the media pushes me closer to the edge. My life is walking a tightrope right now and the end is very uncertain. Anyways, I need to try and stay strong for my gurl, Its not fair if I put her through this. If anyone sees me on aim please feel free to hit me up and talk to me, I need support at this point very bad. Im gonna take a nap, all I can do is try to sleep the time away. Its better then being conscious and waiting to find out the bad news. ”